"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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