Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
