i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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