If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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