i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
