Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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