she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
