this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
