I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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