I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
