her vagine was all disorganized.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
