He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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