Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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