I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
