he was CRYING into my vagina
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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