Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize