i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
