I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize