Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
