This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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