We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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