I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize