note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You made out with two different species that night
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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