Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
