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escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
