guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
