is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
