i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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