just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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