as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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