Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
