he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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