I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
