Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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