Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
