you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
