Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
