It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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