My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
