She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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