Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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