Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
youre lurking in front of me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
