i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
