Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
