i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
