I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
