I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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