So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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