I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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