People in love make me want to vomit
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
