There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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