wat bout pragnant strippers??
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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