its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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