Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
