After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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