i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Small penises have feelings too.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
