im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i think i have two assholes
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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