for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
