no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
