I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
