You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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