I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
