She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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