How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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