I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
