found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
