if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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