I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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