I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
