My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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