At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
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