Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
