Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
