you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
