Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
