Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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