I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
