drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
