Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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