Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
