worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
