No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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