Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
