We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
