At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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