Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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