Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
