If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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