I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
