I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
