All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
