I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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