If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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