I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize