What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
