why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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