My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
