Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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