There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
