she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
