You can't motorboat a personality
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What a dumb baby whore.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
