i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
