the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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