you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
