I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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