Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He shit in the fireplace
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
