WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
