either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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