uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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