Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize