i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize